A few years after high school I remember being warned by my friend’s mom (an on and off again yoga teacher) to be careful with Kundalini, energetic breathing exercises (pranayama); that if one pursued these systems too impatiently, it could lead to permanent mental damage. I remember my reaction to that information was “Oh that means Kundalini is the real shit and I should practice it”.<\/p>\n
At the time though, I was too easily distracted by life, punk music, and whatever else to ever sit down and try it. Not to mention, most yoga studios don’t offer Kundalini classes. I found one in New Jersey once and went there for one class. We ended the session with breath of fire exercises which reminded me of the Holotropic Breathwork techniques I had tried one night in my living room, which led to me lying on the floor crying, wrapped in a blanket.<\/p>\n
If you’re not familiar with Holotropic Breathwork, it’s a therapy system created by Stanislav Grof, who was a contemporary of Timothy Leary, doing psychological LSD research in the early 60’s. After the government’s crack down on LSD, Grof switched to researching breathing techniques which could accomplish the same altered states of consciousness.<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, throughout my twenties I witnessed the mental degradation of certain friends who had experimented with various psychotropics and been unlucky enough to have latent psychological demons that were triggered as a result. Other friends who were smoking salvia every weekend were totally fine. Myself, who struggled with deep melancholy and various states of alienation, became enamored with the stories surrounding Ayahuasca and decided to try it out, which resulted in 6 years of emotional backlash that I’ve managed to mostly overcome.<\/p>\n
My experience with Ayahuasca helped me conclude that I probably never wanted to fuck with psychotropics again, and that if I wanted to achieve altered states, it would have to be through a slow process of building my meditation\/breathing practices.<\/p>\n
I didn’t feel any kind of rush to get into a deep practice. I have so much shit going on, introducing a new discipline has to come in at a trickle, or else I’ll emotionally reject it. So I started doing 10 minute western style meditations, in front of a black obsidian ball every day.<\/p>\n
Not long after starting this practice, I got into a relationship that had a powerfully toxic effect on my sense of self worth. The vibe of that relationship messed me up so bad that I had to get regular counseling from a western therapist, as well as magick counseling from my friend Myla who is a clairvoyant healer in LA. She taught me a pranayama breathing exercise to do every day for 10 minutes, which would clear my slate and give me renewed strength.<\/p>\n
The exercise basically goes like this:<\/p>\n
breathe in through left nostril (right thumb to right nostril)<\/p>\n
pump stomach while internalizing the chant “Wahe guru, wahe guru, wahe guru, wahe jio x4<\/p>\n
breath out through right nostril (right index to left nostril)<\/p>\n
I found that doing this exercise for only 10 minutes was not only physically difficult, but also affecting me in a powerful way. I felt wiped clean after each session, but also a slight sense of danger, like I should definitely not<\/em> being doing any more than 10 minutes.<\/p>\n I was instructed to do this exercise for 40 days in a row. Around the 10th day, I started to get this sense that I was beginning to crest on a wave of some sort. My strategy in these situations is to try to stay open to new sensations. That by defending myself too much, or exerting too much inner control, I cause fractures in my psyche. I try to stay calm and receptive to change as best I can, to observe rather than judge. <\/p>\n Somewhere around the 15th day I had this experience that I quickly sketched and posted on my Instagram so I wouldn’t forget. <\/p>\n\n